Building With People Tip

From my earliest days in Sunday school, I have remembered the words that a wise man builds his house upon the rock and the foolish man builds upon the sand. For 50 years, I thought this probably sound advice for someone about to build a house. It never dawned on me that it might have some other application until I heard the following quote from Peter Drucker. The task of leadership is to create an alignment of strengths in ways that make weaknesses irrelevant.

That statement unlocked doors in my mind and with it came the realization that success really does come from building on strengths. All too often we focus on problems (weaknesses = sand) and struggle to overcome them when in fact, we would be much better off focusing on what is working (strengths = rock) and building on them.

Over the course of my career, I have had a variety of bosses. Most tried to fix me. I did have one boss who stood up before the whole sales organization and told them he had complete faith in me. I didnt realize it at the time, but my boss motivated me in a way that I would have walked through fire for him.

In fact, I didnt really understand what he had done and how it affected me until I became soccer coach and tried a positive approach to leadership. By praising the desired actions of players, I was encouraging the other players to perform in a similar fashion. You get what you praise and reward (a lesson some organizations including our government should learn). In reality, I was building on strengths (the rock) just as my boss had done.

What about your organization? Are you still playing in the sand or are you building on rock?

 Copyright Bob Cannon/The Cannon Advantage, 2007. All rights reserved.

Byline Bob Cannon helps visionary leaders enhance performance and profitability in their organizations. Check out other interesting articles available in the Taking Aim newsletter available at http://www.cannonadvantage.com . Bob can be reached at (216) 408-9495 or mailto: aim@cannonadvantage.com

This article courtesy of http://www.decision-makingtoday.com . You may freely reprint this article on your website or in your newsletter provided this courtesy notice and the author name and URL remain intact.

How To Help People Think Better - The Nitty Gritty of Listening

You know how to listen. You do it every day. In fact, you spend a good portion of the time you're interacting with others in listening. You're good at it.

And, we find that leaders who are remarkable listeners are always looking to expand their listening skills. So let's really make a study of listening today; let's take a look at the nitty gritty.

Helping people to think more deeply is the highest purpose, the best reason, for a leader to listen more deeply. When people think more deeply, when they make their own connections, they get a jolt of energy, and they're inspired to action. David Rock in his book Quiet Leadership (Appeared, 2006) describes the neuroscience of the process of coming to one's own insight. Then he says,

When people make deep, new connections in their own mind, there is a tangible release of energy, a discernable "aha" moment that fills us with a desire to take action. On a physical level, this aha moment releases chemicals in the body to prime it for movement. The energy created by insight is an important energy source to be harnessed. In the workplace there are many drains on our energy, including restrictions, policies, politics, long hours, and hundreds of emails every day. We should be harnessing every possible energy source that might inspire better performance. Letting people come up with their own ideas is a deep well of motivation to tap. (pp.39-40)

We have found that people get excited, become more conscious, and solve their own problems when their leaders and colleagues employ the skill of listening for. When you are listening for my potential, my strengths, or my skills mastery, I can sense that and I respond to it. When you're listening for what's important to me, for my goals, for what I value, for what I believe is possible or not possible, you help me become more conscious of these myself. When you're listening for how I feel about the subject I'm discussing - whether my energy is high or low, whether I'm excited or worried - I know I am truly heard. When you're listening for the real issue, maybe the question behind my question, then you help me to see so much more. When you're listening for what I'm not saying but is clearly present, then you give me permission to bring it out.

So how do you do it, this listening deeply and listening for? Here are some of the nitty gritty techniques:

Say less than you think you need to. Give lots of time for the person to think or to frame what they're saying. Resist the urge to jump in.

Summarize, paraphrase, and mirror back what you're hearing to be sure you understand clearly and to give the person a chance to hear what he or she is thinking.

As you reflect what you're hearing, use their language. It will have more of an impact. As you reflect, use language that indicates "I heard" rather than "You said."

Notice the difference between the person's words, tone of voice, and body language.

Practice setting aside your own judgments of what you're hearing.

And finally, just practice hearing some of what we've already mentioned: potential, goals, values, strengths, mastery, possibility, point of view, feelings, what's underneath.

Now let's look at an example. Your employee, Bob, comes to you and says, "Sandy is alienating everyone around her." For many, the automatic response is to look for a solution. The leader who is listening for starts by asking for more information and listening for what's important to the speaker.

As you listen, you reflect what you're hearing, giving Bob the chance to become more aware of the elements of the situation and what's really going on. You use language that tells Bob what you've heard. You listen for possibility, for Bob's strengths and for Sandy's. You listen for how Bob is thinking about the situation and what he may not be saying about it. And you assume Bob's competence in being able to solve his problem.

As you reflect what Bob is saying, he begins to see possibility, too. Now may be a good time to ask Bob what he'd like to see and how he'd like to move forward. You continue to see him as competent and creative. In this collaborative conversation, Bob feels heard, and he taps into his own resourcefulness. Your deep listening allows Bob to harness his own energy and to solve his own problem, to become a leader in this situation.

We have all experienced the power of being truly heard. It is one of the highest gifts we receive in this life. In the business world, it encourages deeper thinking, energized action, and greater connection to the work at hand. And it invokes the leader in everyone.

Jennifer Sellers is the Chief Energy Officer of Inspired Mastery, a leadership development company that helps people see inside their own blind spots to become powerful communicators, powerful leaders, and powerful in their lives. She is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation. Her background includes teen and adult education, project management under contract to NASA, a year as a ski bum in Telluride, Colorado , and 5 years as a coach, facilitator, and speaker. She has practiced Zen meditation for almost 20 years and is passionate about tapping the highest potential in each of us. http://www.inspiredmastery.com

Building Self Confidence and Self Esteem

As a hypnotherapist I specialise in helping people to develop confidence and self esteem.

Perhaps surprisingly, the people who ask for my help are not shrinking violets and their reasons for wanting to develop enhanced self confidence are not wholly selfish. Consider a few examples. The names have been changed.

John works for a large corporate. Diligent, startlingly intelligent and very ambitious, he found that his ideas were consistently overlooked. This wasnt enough of a catalyst to bring him to my door, however. He eventually grew frustrated, and then angry, that dominant individuals in his company were able to put their own ideas forward with ease. Worst of all, some of these ideas, he felt, were positively damaging, but he just couldnt make his opposition count. All his intelligence counted for little in his testosterone-fuelled working environment. It had reached the point where he felt that he should resign and start again with a fresh company; he simply didnt feel that he was adding any real value. A man of great integrity, John would rather leave than tacitly support such a wrong-headed and unintelligent approach to business.

John stayed. We worked together to identify his confidence profile, which was very unusual -- represented by less than 1% of the population. Through work on his stage presence and physical presence, we were able to significantly improve Johns effectiveness in being taken seriously, to the extent where he has recently broken through into senior management.

Jenny came to me because she was lonely. A brief marriage hadnt worked out, and she was finding serial dating to be a frustrating activity. Jenny had come to realise that she wasnt moving out of her comfort zone, either socially or at work. She feared becoming enclosed, locked into a safe routine which wouldnt threaten her, but wouldnt take her life forward either.

Jennys confidence profile was almost the inverse of Johns. Where he had masses of peer independence, Jenny had almost none, which meant that she was hugely dependent on the good opinion of others. She needed lots of reassurance, and had very little faith in her own ability or judgement.

The approach with Jenny was to strengthen her peer independence -- her ability to trust in her own judgement, independent of the views of others - and to build up her self esteem. She has now met somebody, changed her job and moved house -- all in the space of a year!

What these case studies illustrate is the complex nature of self confidence. It isnt like height or weight; you cant read off a single value which describes a person. Confidence is complex and to develop, we need to understand our confidence profile. I have subsequently made my confidence profile questionnaire available through the Confidence Club website http://www.confidenceclub.net

This has enabled me to build up an even larger database of confidence profiles, and allows people from all over the world to identify their particular areas for improvement.

Jim Sullivan is a hypnotherapist specialising in confidence and self esteem development. He works with individual clients, with companies looking to de-stress their staff and through his Confidence Club website. http://www.confidenceclub.net

Self Esteem - Finding the Elusive Secret of Happiness

How long has it been?

How long since you lifted your face to the sky and laughed a big, belly shaking laugh. How long 5B4since you spread your arms and felt so elated you wanted to fly? How long since your heart lifted into the heavens with delicious self esteem and overflowing gratitude for life itself?

It may have been just this morning. If so, I'm delighted for you. But if it's been a little longer than that, then it may be time for a little re-education about joy.

Happiness is not a place. Nor is it a thing. You can't buy it, and you sure can't sell it.

It's a process. And it only occurs when other things are present in the right proportions. Trouble is, there's no recipe. You do certain things, and happiness just spills out, so what produces joy today may not work quite the same tomorrow.

Some things are commonly found together with happiness; things like generosity and kindness, like healthy self esteem and helping another person, or like doing an outstanding job. But it doesn't work if we go at it mechanically like a recipe. We're not baking biscuits -- we're making a life, so the rules are dynamic rather than static.

In fact, happiness is most likely to come when we're not thinking about it at all, a kind of by-product or side effect. But when it comes, there's no doubt at all in your mind; you know you're happy.

You know how your car has a warning light when your oil gets too low? Or a buzzer (or maybe a voice) telling you a door isn't shut all the way?

Well, think of happiness as an indicator light telli5A7ng you when you've got things right. If your Joy Light isn't on, something is out of balance in your life, and it's time to start changing things. And if it is on, just relax and continue with whatever you're doing.

Happiness is feedback. It's very pleasant feedback, but that's all it is. It's like an actor getting good reviews. The critic's kind comments are not why he performs; however, they're nice when they come. So he enjoys them but keeps moving forward, striving to be an increasingly better actor.

Think of happiness like a theater review, and it'll be easier to keep things in perspective. Just keep performing to the best of your ability, learning your craft, polishing your abilities, growing your self esteem, moving forward. The happiness will spill out while you're busy being who you really want to be.

For more information on how to shape your future, download the free PDF report "It's All Good Luck - Five No-Fail Tips for Turning Bad Luck into Good... Every Time" at http://www.more-luck.com/luckyreport/

Free Psychotherapy Against Self-Abuse

I examined several aspects of the psychic disease that affects some teens who abuse their bodies with knives or other sharp objects. I am going to provide these teenagers free psychotherapy by using my method based on their own resistance in order to help them acquire psychic health and finally, wisdom.

If you indulge in self-abuse, please carefully read my instructions and do exactly what I'm telling you to, without excuses, because you are in great danger and you have to help yourself.

First of all, you have to understand that you must be afraid of knives and sharp objects that can cause wounds in your body. Finding relief and satisfaction from abusing your body is a distorted reaction and is not natural. You should feel horrified when you see your body being cut; however, you not only completely neglect the terror you ought to feel when you see your body bleeding, instead, you hurt your body yourself.

What does it mean?

This means that your conscience was damaged and you cannot distinguish what is good and bad. It means also that your feelings and senses are not functional. You have had a nervous breakdown. Your nervous system is disconnected from your reality and the effects it has over you.

You are neurotic with tendencies towards worse psychological diseases and with suicidal tendencies, even if you feel that you don't want to die. Remember, you cannot feel anythB68ing because your nervous system is not functioning normally. This is why you feel pleasure with pain and you are dependent on self-abuse to calm down. You should feel horrified with your pain and for losing blood but not only do you cause it yourself, you also feel an insane pleasure due to your pain.

So, when you say you don't want to die, you must understand that you don't know what you really want and you cannot control your behaviour. You want to stop cutting your body but you cannot stop. You don't know the meaning of the crazy behaviour that is dominating you.

I have already explained in my article, "Teen Help - How to Stop Cutting Your Body" that the wild part of your conscience invaded the human part. It pretends to belong to the human part, whereas in reality it is a wild conscience that is evil and violent.

This means that you are not being yourself as you imagine. You are dominated by the wild part of your psychic sphere, which doesn't have feelings. It is cruel and totally insensitive. This is why you became insensitive to pain as well: this invasion caused the breakdown in your nervous system.

What can you do now?

You must recover your notion of reality and be afraid of knives that can cause damage to your body. You must hate to see yourself bleed and you must care for your health.

This evil part that dominates you makes excuses for your strange behaviour, which you must not accept.

If you hurt your body you are being very aggressive towards society and you are also hurting your parents. The violent and evil wild conscience tells you that they are responsible for your pain and that they deserve to be attacked this way by you.

Even though you may agree with this concept of reality, you have to understand that this aggression is first of all against you, and to your parents and our society only after that.

If you disagree with the crazy way our world functions and all the horrors it has, you are right, but your attacks will not help improve the world. You have to construct something good in this world with your work and be an example to be followed by the others if you wish to change something in this absurd place where we live in suffering.

If you wish to attack your parents because you feel they don't care for you or if you want to show to someone how much you feel unjustly treated by hurting yourself, you have to understand that you are being a victim of craziness and your attitude can only cause more horrors and conflicts.

One must never attack anyone. Forgive your enemies because everyone is very easily dominated by the craziness that comes from the wild conscience, in the same way you are dominated by the irrational desire to hurt yourself.

This crazy desire can go away only if you are resistant and stop doing what the wild and absurd side of your conscience wants you to.

Do935 whatever you can to stop cutting your body as I told you in my previous article about this subject: tie your hands and body, hide all knives and sharp objects, and mainly, suppress the horrible feeling you have because you are not cutting your body.

This feeling will disappear if you are resistant. It cannot last forever as you imagine. If you are resistant and never do what this violent intruder wants you to, the wild conscience loses its power. On the other hand, now that you are doing exactly what it wants, it constantly becomes more powerful and dominates you even more.

The battle depends on your resistance. Fight against the monster that dominates you and then help this world become a place where everyone will have the proper conditions to live peacefully and happily if you wish to show us your rebellion and how much you condemn the way we live.

Prevent Depression and Craziness through the scientific method of Dream Interpretation discovered by Carl Jung and simplified by Christina Sponias, a writer who continued Jung's research in the unknown region of the human psychic sphere. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com and http://www.booksirecommend.com

Click here and download your copy of the Free ebook

Beating Depression and Craziness

Top Barriers to Effective Listening and How to Overcome Them

Effective listening is every bit as important as effective speaking, and generally much more difficult. Although numerous barriers to effective listening can make the practice difficult, there are several habits one can adopt that will lead to a higher level of listening proficiency.

Listening is the most important part of the communication process. However, listening skills do not come naturally to most people; they require willingness, practice, and patience to develop.

There are many reasons individuals fail to listen successfully. These include:

1. Interrupting
2. Judging
3. Faking Attention
4. Becoming Emotional
5. Tuning Out
6. Jumping to Conclusions
7. Becoming distracted.

Interrupting is a problem for many reasons. First, it is aggressive behavior and will most likely bring a negative response from the speaker being interrupted. Second, it is difficult to listen and speak at the same time. When the listener is interrupting, he or she is certainly not listening fully.

Faking attention (often associated with tuning out) can be offensive and is usually hard to hide. This is hurtful and sends the message to the speaker that the listener doesnt really care about what the speaker is saying. If an individual cannot listen actively in the present moment, it is best to let that be known and suggest that the communication process be put off until a point when there are no distractions.

Becoming emotional can hinder ones ability to listen. It is important that the receiver be aware of his or her emotions. If the sender is sending a message that is offensive, it is important to acknowledge that fact and be aware of the fact that something is threatening a breakdown in the process. When a receiver is angered, it is easy for him or her to miss the most important part of the senders message.

To avoid jumping to conclusions, it may be helpful for the listener to wait until the speaker is finished before responding. It can also be helpful to ask questions throughout the conversation to clarify issues, or to let the speaker know that he or she is communicating in a way that suggests a cert5B4ain thing, which may not be what they are intending to say.

It is easy to become distracted while trying to communicate. Often one has many tasks to do or there is a lot of other activity taking place while someone is trying to communicate. This can be a problem because it leads to miscommunication, faking attention, and tuning out all togetherall of which threaten future communication.

Although the reasons for listening breakdowns are numerous, there are many ways to improve listening skills. These are:

1. Provide clues that you are actively involved
2. Concentrate
3. Refrain from formulating an immediate response
4. Try to prepare beforehand
5. Be prepared to accept revisions
6. Be sure the environment is conducive to listening.

Clues that one is actively listening can go a long way. It is important to the speaker to feel like the listener cares about what the speaker is saying. This is because it tends to send a message about whether or not the listener cares about the speaker in general. When people dont feel like you care about them, they dont trust you and the communication process quickly breaks down. Therefore, it sis important to use verbal and non-verbal clues that you are listening, including eye contact, gestures, and acknowledging statements.

Concentration requires willingness and practice. Practicing active listening helps with concentration but there B57are other elements that contribute to your ability to concentrate on what someone is saying. When youre involved in an exchange of information, you cant be multi-tasking. Its important to position yourself in a way that maintains eye contact while allowing you to watch for body language and other non-verbal forms of communication.

It is important to refrain from formulating an immediate response. You wont be able to fully concentrate on forming a genuine understanding of what the speaker is trying to say if you are too busy thinking about what you are going to say in response to them whenever it is your turn to talk. Instead, it is important to approach the communication as a dialogue. Dialogues help us to learn what others have to say by forcing us to think about their message and to acknowledge what we have heard rather than just responding with our own opinions.

Preparation can have a huge impact on the outcome of a dialogue or any form of communication. To prepare for an interaction where effective listening will be important, it is essential to keep in mind the purpose of the exchange. What decisions need to be made and how the collaboration between sender and receiver relates are important factors to keep in mind. It is also helpful to approach the situation with the attitude of really caring about and wanting to know the truth. The dialogue should be viewed as an opportunity to uncover the truth and make progress, rather than as a challenge or conflict.

A willingness to accept revisions will keep the communication process running smoothly. Often people are so busy trying to defend their positions that they fail to really stop and think whether they could be improved upon or viewed in a different way. This is what is often referred to as spending 90 seconds expressing an opinion and 900 seconds blindly defending it.

Choosing the right environment is important because it will help the listener focus and avoid distractions. Although there is no set environment which is best for all communication, in general it is best to avoid areas where there are high levels of activity, loud noises, an uncomfortable temperature, poor air flow, etc.

Implementing these techniques takes willingness and patience. The effort is worthwhile however, as the long-term benefit of improved communication skills will greatly increase ones chances of success in the business world. Effective listening is the most important part of the communication process. It is probably the most difficult to master also. There are many barriers to effective listening, but practicing listening techniques will help one overcome these barriers and become a good listener.

Justin Elza is the owner of 37BJ. Allan Writing and Design Studios, a full-service creative firm that helps clients save time and money while developing consistency in all their written, visual, and web-based marketing communications. From business cards to billboards, memos to manuscripts, J. Allan Studios is your creative, professional partner!

The Secret of Breaking the Chains of Low Self-Esteem

Do you struggle every single day with low self-esteem issues? Is it difficult for you to believe good things about yourself? I'm going to give you the secret for breaking those chains of low self-esteem.

Here's the secret: Be nice to yourself.

Regardless of the underlying factor of your poor self-esteem, you have the power to change this yourself. In fact, you are the only person who can change it. You can't rely or depend on someone else to make you feel better.

The true secret and key to raising your esteem is to begin by believing in yourself.

Start by using positive affirmations every day. Stop the negative inner chatter with these uplifting personal statements.

Next, do something nice for yourself every now and then. Set a special date just to pamper yourself. Make a date with a friend for some one-on-one time. Do something extra special just for you.

It is important to keep in mind that this is not an overnight process. It took a long time for your esteem and self worth to be crushed, so you can't expect for it to be rebuilt in a short amount of time. However, diligence on your part will enable you to get back on your feet quicker.

Finally, enlist the help of trusted friends and family. Perhaps the most difficult habit to break is being nice to yo49Durself. Have your friends and family to kindly point out when you are being mean to yourself. Sometimes you'll do it without even realizing you're begin negative towards yourself.

You can break the chains of low self-esteem. Start today and be a happier person!

Read more about low self-esteem at http://www.nurturedsoul.com/

Spiritual Advice