By the time I was 25, my heart had already been broken three times. And it took me a lot longer to get over the second heartbreak than I care to admit. Recently I read that sometimes it can take a woman up to seven years to heal from a broken heart. I couldnt believe it! I now realize that what I had been through was not at all uncommon. Maybe if I had read that article back then, I wouldnt have become so frustrated with my slow process.
The truth is that while there are many things you can do to help yourself get over the situation, pretending to be fine when youre not is hardly a reasonable strategy. I have found that it makes no sense to try to fool yourself. Admit that youre hurting, but be encouraged that its true what they say: time heals all wounds. So dont just sit around and moan and stuff yourself with ice cream. Learn from that heartbreak and become stronger because of it.
1.Write your ex a letter. Writing helps you to put your thoughts into perspective. Express exactly how you feel and how you wish things had turned out differently. You dont need to actually give the person the letter. Youre writing to begin your healing process. Once youre finished, read it over to verify that it articulates your exact feelings, and then destroy it.
2.Forgive. The decision to forgive is not so the other person can be freed of his responsibility. Youre forgiving so you can move on. I know it hurts and I know you deserved to be treated better, but holding a grudge isnt going to make you feel well again. Once you have made up your mind to forgive, say it out loud to yourself. ______________, I forgive you for breaking my heart.
3.Let it go. Remember this ancient Chinese Proverb? If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. These simple phrases contain a world of truth. How do you let go? Its not that suddenly you no longer think about the person. Its simply that you step away and give them space, no matter how much it hurts. This lesson I learned the hard way. When my second boyfriend dumped me I thought he needed to see and hear more of me so I was constantly in his hair. As a result I made him separate himself from me even further, which is exactly what I didnt want.
4.Learn from it. What on earth can you learn from a break-up? Youd be surprised. You can learn a lot about yourself, about the way in which you react to rejection, and if youre completely honest, you might be able to find out if theres anything in your character that might cause people to shun you. Also, figure out if that person really possessed the traits that you are looking for in a life partner. If your answer is negative you might want to re-evaluate your screening process.
5.Hold on to the good. A lot of women think that by constantly remembering all the character flaws and shortcomings of the ex, the break-up will be more tolerable. I strongly disagree. Instead of focusing on all that went wrong, make memories of the good times. Its not going to change the fact that youre no longer together, but it will keep you from harbouring unhealthy feelings of resentment, anger and sourness.
6.Watch your tongue. Calling up your friends to scandalize your former lover is never a good idea. First, because its incredibly childish; second, because it just proves how bitter you still are, and third, because it makes you look bad. A former co-worker once told me that her husband had the bad habit of calling her stupid. One day she answered back: and youre even more stupid because you knew I was stupid and you married me anyway. He never called her stupid again. Got it? If you go around badmouthing your ex, you make yourself look bad.
There is no magic potion to mend your broken heart. Only time will tell. But dont just sit there and live in the past. Face each new day knowing well that this too shall pass.
Dinorah Blackman-Williams' books may be previewed and purchased at http://www.lulu.com/blackman
Ray Kroc
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