Everybody knows what an affirmation is, right? A little recitation you say a few times in the morning to make the mirror happy. Positive thinking. A gimmick. A cynic might perceive affirmations as naive self-deception or even as lies.
Sometimes it seems that way, doesn't it? You've chanted the phrase, "I am abundance and prosperity" a boatload of times and still have trouble paying the bills. You've affirmed, "I am the possibility of energy and vitality" and still you're exhausted. You've ranted, "I love and believe in myself!" with the best of 'em, but your self-esteem just doesn't take off.
Yet we also hear the magnificent success stories. Is there a trick to this affirmation game?
Yep. Sure is. And you're about to learn what it is.
Besides the actual language of the affirmation, there are a few more things that need to happen in order to bring the deal to life. Today, we'll be looking at action. Sometimes people get this part backwards, as I hope the following snippet will illustrate:
Me, to wellness coaching participant: So how has your self-image project been coming along?
Participant: I haven't done anything.
Me: We wrote out your action steps for the past week in your planner. Did you follow them?
Participant: Nope. Haven't even opened it.
Me: Why not?
Participant: Low self-esteem.
No amount of affirmation is going to overcome the refusal to take action. The average person, once they say they're going to do something, will set an internal expectation that they're going to do it. Sometimes something happens and it doesn't get done -- ever.
Typically, at that point the person will make up a story in their head about why they didn't do it. Next time a similar situation comes up, something like this will begin to play on their internal tape loop: "I didn't feel like doing it last time, so I didn't. I'm still alive. I survived without doing it last time. Guess I can survive without doing it again now. I'm off the hook!"
Off the hook, yes. Happy? Not a chance.
The person who gets caught in this feedback loop has just conclusively proved to himself that he is a liar. He said he was going to do something, and then let himself off the hook without following through. He is still alive, but he feels like a schmuck.
He also doesn't have the tangible outcome that the action would have produced.
This is what happened to Joe, who was recently laid off from his job as a carpenter. Things are tight. But his sister told him not to worry. She even helped him out by suggesting a calming affirmation:
"My family is securely provided for. All our needs are fulfilled."
Joe started saying the affirmation, just like his sister told him. The next night while spacing out in front of the TV, Joe got a brainstorm. "We've got a big backyard," he thought. "I'll plant a vegetable garden! At least we won't be hungry."
Next time Joe was at the store, he picked up a few seed packets. When he got them home, he read the directions on the back. Plant in well-prepared soil.
Joe, not being an experienced gardener, wasn't sure how to prepare the soil. He never got around to figuring it out and didn't plant the seeds. Now, 2 months later, he's short the cash he spent and has nothing to show for it.
"These affirmations don't work!" he moans. "I said it and nothing happened! Still no job, and we've about tapped out our savings."
As I tell the story here, it's pretty obvious that the affirmation really could have worked. Joe had the insight he needed. He just didn't follow through with action. To make matters worse, his mind is now telling him, "You're a guy who doesn't follow through. No point thinking up any more bright ideas, is there?" The door to creative solutions has slammed shut.
Oh yeah. Joe's job counselor says he has low self-esteem.
Had he planted the garden, chances are that Joe's self-esteem would have weathered the storm just fine. How come? Well, instead of eating frozen chicken nuggets and popcorn for dinner, he'd be fat and happy on fresh garden produce. The nutrition alone would have given him a boost. But that's just the beginning.
Had he planted the garden, Joe would have earned the right to think of himself as a resourceful individual who seizes inspiration, trusts his instincts, and follows through. That mental state would most likely have him think of a few other things, too, beyond the garden. He would most likely have followed through on some of those inspirations as well. Might even have gotten himself another job by now.
Focused action is one of the key factors that brings affirmation to life. Why not make a plan and try it?
Elizabeth Eckert coaxes, cajoles, and gently guides the creation of healing intent. She's the founder of http://www.wordcures.com and author of Word Cures: How to Keep Stupid Excuses From Sabotaging Your Health. Align your whole self for health ... starting today! Share "Arielle's" real-life success story and optimize your own natural healing energy.
No comments:
Post a Comment